Social Media and Me

Here's the thing. I like to say that I don't really care what people think, but with everyone's life on the internet these days, it's really hard not to. Just over 4 months ago I became a mother to my beautiful daughter, Addison. As all mom's out there can testify, I have never loved someone so much and I have wanted to give her everything- all my love, time, attention, etc, and that's when I realized that in order to do that I needed to get rid of my Facebook page for many reasons, but the main reason is that many of my friends were having babies too or already had babies and I knew from experience that I would instantly start comparing what I did with Addison, how I dressed her, and how she was being raised to how all my friends were raising their babies. That sounds ridiculous, right? Why should I care how everyone else is dressing their babies? But the thing is that I did even though I didn't want to, and I would compare myself to the extent that I seriously believed I was a bad mother because I didn't have a cute outfit on Addison every single day or because I had never ordered an $8 headband from Etsy. If someone took their six month old baby out to the pumpkin patch in October, I had thoughts like,

"Oh my heck, why haven't I done that?! I'm such a bad mom. This person is a way better mom than I am. I shouldn't even be a mom."

Talk about suffocating. I was luckily still smart enough to realize I had a 2 month old and what the heck would she do at a pumpkin patch besides freeze?? Anyway, these are minor examples of how toxic my thoughts became because of social media and me not being able to NOT compare myself to everyone around me. When that happened, I was paralyzed with overwhelming feelings of inadequacy that hindered my ability to love and care for Addison. It's the most frustrating thing in the entire world, and it's something that I am still working to overcome. Even before social media became prevalent, I would compare myself and now that everyone can post only the best moments in their day on the internet it makes it so much worse, and it really is hard for me to enjoy social media without feeling like I am lacking talent, beauty, smarts, etc. as a wife, mother, daughter, and person.

So, I took charge and deleted my Facebook leaving only my Instagram. I seriously have LOVED these last four months of being free from all the stuff the circulates on Facebook. I thought I would never activate it again until last month when I went to stake conference in my home ward with my parents. Their stake president shared how we have a responsibility to share the Gospel through social media, and that although there's a lot of things wrong with social media, we can't let that stop us from sharing goodness. My dad turned to me and said, "Has this convinced you to get it back? There's a lot of people who followed you and saw what you would post." I told him I wasn't ready to have it back yet, and that I couldn't help others if I was constantly being dragged down.

Well, it's a new year. Plus, as I was reading the January Ensign I found an article called "By Small and Simple Blogs" and it just reminded me what good can come from sharing our testimonies via the internet. Then today I actually checked my e-mail and realized I had a Facebook notification and guess what--- my stupid Facebook was open! I had activated it about a month ago to contact a family member, but I thought I had closed it again, nope. So, here we are again. I am refusing to let the ridiculous voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough get the better of me. That said, I still refuse to be a social media junkie. There are more important things.

Here's to a new year and a new start for social media and me.

Until next time,
Kellie

Lessons learned

Like everyone else, I've gone through my share of disappointment, heartache, and trials. During those times, I kept a notebook and would write my feelings. It was separate from my journal; I guess I was going for a different style in what I was sharing. Anyway, now some of these things I have written are a couple of years old, and I can finally read them and look back and remember without feeling the pain that seemed to hover and exist somewhere in my heart for such a long time. I guess I feel like maybe sharing some of the feelings I have felt might be beneficial to those going through similar trials. I'm a very personal person; I don't like sharing a lot about my life to just anyone, and especially not via the internet, so I really don't want this to be taken the wrong way. I just know that seeing how far I've come, and how wonderful my life is now that I know God has a plan for each of us, but those times of trial are part of His plan too. Embrace them, and remember how much He loves you. Here's just a couple things I'll share from "the notebook."

I clutched the 

pieces of my heart

you left behind

to my chest.

Slowly, I opened my

hand to count them.

Before I could finish

the wind blew them

in directions I couldn't

follow.

As I began to run

frantically after them,

I realized,

all too late,

I could never capture

all of those pieces again.

With no where else to go,

I turned my back

to the wind

and walked away.

----------

My heart pounded as I heard myself say, "I still love you. I haven't stopped loving you." Thoughtlessly he replied, "I was your first love." 

As if...

as if he hadn't loved me. 

As if it meant nothing to love for a first time.

As if I didn't qualify.

Then he added, looking anywhere but at me, "You'll probably always love me."

My heart stopped pounding.

I think it may have stopped beating.

I don't feel much anymore.

--------

Growing up--it really isn't as easy as they make it out to be. Graduate, go to college, get married, have a career, and a family... they say. Like it's that easy. They don't tell you about the confusion and the fear. They leave out the insecurity and doubt; they conveniently ignore that your heart will be irreplaceably broken, and sometimes you will feel that this is all there is in this thing we call life. Confusion, fear, doubt, insecurities, pain, and broken hearts. Amidst it all, they try to share with you thoughts and feelings of faith, hope, love, and believing in good things to come. Maybe sometimes they don't understand that it's those things that have brought you to where you are: broken, lonely, knowing you should again attempt to put those pieces back together, but, instead, for the time being, you'd rather stare at the broken pieces in your bloody hands and for once do absolutely nothing about it. 

-------

Sometimes God puts us in situations that break us; He gives us people that will hurt us; He gives us what might feel are impossible trials to face, impossible to move beyond, and I think it's okay to let yourself hurt, to feel lost, and to not try and understand all the "why's" of the bad things that tear us apart. Sometimes I think that it is okay to feel nothing and to be afraid. It's never okay to cover up the hurt and confusion. You have to recognize it and let it out. Sometimes you might forget about God and want to ignore His plan, and maybe for a short while that's also okay. As long as you always remember that this is all part of His plan for you. As long as you always turn back to Him and remember He loves those He challenges, and that it is all for your good. As long as you do that, then you can always know that no matter what, you will be okay. 

------

The confusion, anger, hurt,

and plain heartache that she

had felt for 

so long, finally....

disappeared. 

Still longing for a love she had

once felt,

she was able to look back without

a desire to be there

again. 

Instead she felt

grateful

for how strong she had grown, 

for surely she 

must be among some of the 

strongest

to have ever 

existed

for she has truly felt the flames

of Hell

lick and hiss at her

and tell her lies that nearly ruined her.

She is 

brave,

strong,

courageous. 

She is beautiful and worthy

of only the best kind of

love.

With the flames extinguished, 

she treads lightly on the ashes

that remain,

reminding her where

she has been. 

-------

Alright, that's enough, right?! I'm super hesitant to share this, but at the same time I feel like it's important to share our experiences with other people because we all go through such similar experiences. We never go through anything alone. There's always someone who has been there, and there's always someone who understands. I'm so grateful that the Lord guides our lives, and that we are not in charge. I'm so grateful for the hard times that have led me to where I am and who I am today. The disappointments, setbacks, and broken hearts have truly been the best part of my life because I am where I am today. Our God is so good. 

Insanity days 2 & 3...

Okay, so here's the update - The day after I started Insanity I had every intention of getting up early and doing the second workout, but my entire body hurt....

So yeah, I embraced the pain from day one of Insanity; I thoroughly enjoyed and took notice to every step, twist, bend, and reach I participated in. The next two days I had early morning schedules, so I wasn't able to get to my second day until Saturday night. I was able to do this one pretty well. I started out more tired, but by the end I was feeling good; I didn't even want to throw up at the end! It was kind of exhilarating.

Then came Sunday-the day of rest. I did the cardio recovery this morning; it really wasn't that much of a recovery. Any who, with my increased intake of water and my 3 workouts with Shaun T, I'm actually already feeling better, faster, stronger...that, that, that, that don't kill you could only make you stronger. I need you to hur.... okay, just kidding. That song just popped into my head as I was typing that. It's had me thinking how crazy it is how we really have so much control over the way we are feeling and the way our body performs. I've had some shoulder problems this last year, and it's kind come down to the fact that I'm pretty skinny, so there isn't any muscle which causes my joints rub and pop, and that's kind of painful. I really think this is going to help, plus I've already noticed a difference.

Anyway, that's about if for now. This week my goal is to do Insanity everyday, so I guess we'll see how it's going at the end of the week.

Much love,
Kellie

It's the simple things...

So, I am mostly posting this photo because that way I will always remember it and how important and beneficial it is to drink LOTS of water! Isn't this amazing?! This beautiful woman drank three liters of water a day for a month, and this was her result. She felt more energized, her cellulite disappeared, she lost inches of her waist, and her migraines vanished. It's just water! Isn't that crazy? People spend thousands of dollars on prescriptions for their migraines, energy drinks and procedures to reduce unwanted body fat. Look what could happen if we all just drank water? Oh, how amazing. :)

ALSO.

 

I took my very first yoga class last semester and LOVED it. So, I YouTubed some videos and got back into it tonight. It's amazing how much better you feel when you breathe, stretch, think, and relax. I was so stressed today and feeling anxious because of school and such, and just simply drinking lots of water and doing some yoga brought down my anxiety and restlessness tremendously. 

Therefore, this is a post to remind you that it's the simple things that will really make you feel your very best. They are such easy things to do too! Write a note to someone you admire, drink some water, do some yoga, read a book, watch a movie, go for a walk etc. etc. etc. Do something that allows you to get inside your own mind and body and think, relax, and reconnect with yourself. We are running and running to accomplish day to day tasks and sometimes we may feel so busy and overwhelmed, but it's because we don't use our time wisely. Instead of getting on Facebook or the internet, (I say this as I sit here and blog. Oh, the irony!) go and do something for YOURSELF. You are important too, so take care of you. With all the social media today, I feel like people are constantly feeling the need to receive validation from other people via social networks, and all it might take for you to really feel good about yourself is taking the time to think about you, and doing things that make you feel good-mentally, physically, and spiritually.

These are just rambles from a fatigued and worn out college senior. The only thing I can tell you is that A) clearly water is good for you, so drink it! :) and B) Take time to take care of yourself--you deserve it! Oh, and  C) Keep some chocolate around. ;)

Oh, and one last thing. Smile as much as you can. :)

              =      

Insanity Day 1...

Well folks.... I did it. I actually made it through the entire plyometric cardio circuit. Does that mean I did everything? No, but I did my best, and I think I just about died. I was reading some reviews on Insanity yesterday, and one of them said to be sure to allow at least 30 minutes of doing absolutely nothing after your workout. I understand why now because guess what I did for about 30-40 minutes afterwards....



Oh baby, laying down never felt so gooooooooood. Plus, I really thought I was going to throw up all the water I drank. Too much information? Oh well. Surprisingly, I have had a lot of energy today, and I'm feeling great, and it's not even 11! Everyone should go INSANE! ;) haha, you know what I mean!

Until next time!

-Kell

INSANITY.

Okay, here's the thing. I bought Insanity like three months ago, and I haven't done a darn thing with it. IT'S INSANE. Seriously, I can barely make it through the **WARM UP** let alone the entire workout. However, I really, really want to! So this is my goal, and I'm putting it on here so that I will hopefully feel more committed to sticking with it. Everyday. 5:30 a.m. it will be you and me, Shaun T. (I'm already dreading it.) It's going to be hard. I just want to actually make it through to be able to say I did it! So here's to day one that starts tomorrow morning! I'll try to keep this updated as a tracker for myself. Here goes nothing! 


...Wish me luck.


-Kell

Here's to teaching!

Well, apparently blogging just isn't in my blood. I know that's the truth because the only reason I am here today is to fulfill an assignment for an online class! I'm supposed to write about my teaching philosophy, but here's the thing....I'm not even sure what mine is! I'll start with my life philosophy, how's that?

MAKE A DIFFERENCE 

This has been my life goal since before I can remember, and I think that's what really led me to become a teacher. As a teacher, you have so much control in what you put into the minds of your students and who they become. That's a pretty big responsibility! You aren't just giving them answers to tests, you're giving them keys and answers to life and success. I often get a disgruntled look when I tell people that I am going to become a teacher. In fact one of my close family members once said to me, "Kellie, you're so smart! The smartest kids in the class aren't supposed to become teachers!"  

I guess I just think of it differently, and I don't exactly know where this idea came from because I really only had a handful of decent teachers throughout the years. I guess I know how they impacted my life, and I want to do that for someone else. 

Being a teacher gives you a first hand experience to touch someone else's life. I love being personal with people and learning more about them. I love reading, sharing, and writing. I really want to have an interactive and lively classroom. I want my students to discover more than the four walls of my room; I want them to discover who they are deep inside and who their peers are. I want to create a classroom where empathy, compassion, understanding, kindness, and critical thinking abound. Some may think that's a lot to ask, but someday I will get there. 

I chose English as my content area because I truly believe that by actively reading and expressing yourself through writing you can become a more well-rounded person. You learn so much about other people, cultures, ways of the world, and all of those help you discover who you are and who you want to be. Of all the students in my classes going into different content areas, I consider myself the luckiest to be going into English. Words change people, and those people change the world.

 So I guess that's it, my teaching philosophy. I suppose it's to make a difference in the lives of my students and to allow them to change my life forever. 

I can't wait. 

http://www.educatorstechnology.com/2012/06/ultimate-guide-to-use-of-blogs-in.html

http://edublogs.org/10-ways-to-use-your-edublog-to-teach/

http://www.readwritethink.org/professional-development/strategy-guides/teaching-with-blogs-30108.html