Be yourself and be okay with it!

Tomorrow
is a blank page
just waiting
to be filled....

All you have to do
is be yourself
and live the story
that no one else can live--
the story
of your own unique life.
Be proud.
Be confident.
And most of all, be happy.

So, here goes round two...three.. four.. two hundred-sixty nine... at this blogging thing. I am terrible at it, but I so terribly want to be good at it, so here goes!

I want to begin with explaining a few things. First of all, the name of my blog came from the poem, "Roses Only" by Marianne Moore. I love this poem because, in essence, it isn't just our petals that makes us beautiful, but our thorns as well. There is no rose that doesn't have thorns--we don't have to be perfect because nobody is. This is something that I have a hard time with. Naturally the poem goes so much deeper than that, and that last part really isn't even part of what the poem means, but if I did an entire analysis on the poem I could be here for a while. However, my professor would be so very pleased if I did. That leads me to my next point. Secondly, I have a hard time remembering how to be myself. For that reason I have a hard time doing small things for example, like having a blog, writing a book, creating anything, sharing my opinion in classes etc. I feel like what I create or have to say isn't "right" or really worth anything, or the way that I think is wrong or different and won't make sense to anyone. I'm terrified of writing and letting people read what I have to say. I don't know why this is something that I struggle with, but I've had an epiphany today, and I think that, that fear has been lifted from my shoulders. I'm choosing to not be afraid and ashamed of who I am. Who I am matters. Who you are matters. This leads me to my next point. Third, the poem/quote above came from a card I got when I graduated from Snow College with my associates degree. My oldest sister, Stephanie gave it to me. I found that card today, and it only affirmed how okay it is to be you. Fourth, I have always wanted to write a book-yes an actual book/novel. I am an English major so naturally that would happen, right? (Disclaimer: Yes, I am an English major, but that does not mean that everything in my posts will be grammatically correct. Sometimes when I get to typing I just go and don't think about commas, semi-colons, and all that. I try, but I am human.) However, every time I try to write, it always turns depressing; I feel like there isn't anything that I have experienced that is worth sharing through a story. I feel completely incapable. I also feel silly, but then today when I was walking on campus and I remembered how in 5th grade and around those years in school I was a writing fool! I had notebooks FILLED with stories about crazy things. "Chinese flying piranha's" and "tic-tac eating whales" -- my imagination was unlimited! I want that freedom and power back. I think blogging will help me sort my thoughts and help me with self-expression. The more I write, the more clear things become. I hope that this will benefit me. Fourth and final detail for the night/morning, (It is nearly 1 a.m) I always set a lot of goals, but I have a hard time with the follow through. I get really excited about things in the beginning and then..... they just fade out because I get lazy. I'd rather watch Grey's Anatomy than work on the blanket that I wanted to crochet. So, I am going to just share in this post a few of my goals that I am starting so maybe I will feel more accountable to work on them. Ready? Here they are:

1. Do better at being a diligent student. Basically put more effort into my school work and stop being a "senior."
2. Serve others! I have been so selfish lately, and I realize that giving service and helping lift others burdens is how we help ourselves and achieve ultimate happiness. Following the example of our Savior Jesus Christ will lead us to where we all want to be. 
3. Crochet a blanket! --I can do it. Creativity!
4. Apply for the teaching English program in Italy for next summer. (So many times I have been offered to travel for leadership conferences or have gotten applications filled out for traveling abroad but never do I actually go through with it. This time I am. No questions asked.)
5. BLOG! I really need to write every day. That's a lot for right now, but let's just put down that I need to do it and see what happens. 
6. Write a book- bit by bit. I want to create stories that mean something. I have started many and finished none. (I told you I had a problem.)
7. BE positive. :)

Okay, I could write forever so I am going to stop for now. That's my introduction. No fear, only faith. Remember to always be yourself- everyone else is already taken. Believe in yourself, believe that you can. If you don't believe in yourself than who will?

Let's do this! 

...Just my bunch of goonies. Minus Hannah and Amylee. This is my family.